There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
