a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
