i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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