Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
