I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
