ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
