I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
