Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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