don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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