so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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