a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
