Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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