i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
