you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
