I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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