it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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