She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize