It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
