So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In America we eat man semen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
