What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
