She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
