Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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