well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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