Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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