goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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