I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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