I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
