Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
