im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
