People in love make me want to vomit
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
