On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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