I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
