worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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