You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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