she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
