this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
