Cold hands, warm shart.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize