Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
