Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
