Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
4 words: hood of his car
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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