I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
