im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
