i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
look no pants
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
