I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
