if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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