would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
