He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
