Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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