So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
