talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
