i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
