We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
