is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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