this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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