Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
