You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
