yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
