In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
