fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
