I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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