but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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