you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michael Bay diarrhea
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
