Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
