You're my little dorito
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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