You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
