i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
