Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just high enough for therapy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
