Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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