no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize