Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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