what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize