somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
