I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
