I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize