Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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