I got chris browned last night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
