i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
